


Placeholder Title 2: 'I Love You'

by EJwrites



Series: Placeholder Title [2]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 01:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EJwrites/pseuds/EJwrites
Summary: hellwizards said:"prompt! the first time they say 'i love you' to each other? individually and as a group?"as stated above, but taking place in the same story as Placeholder Title.  this is three small parts of a much, much larger whole.  but they do stand alone, so enjoy!





	1. Cophine

Cooking dinner was immensely hard at the safe house.Mostly because it was impossible to know exactly how many people were coming for dinner.If Alison and her family came it pushed the numbers to the double digits but if it was just the people who were staying there it was only about five (sometimes Charlotte ate like she was two grown adults.To be young and growing again.).So some days there were copious amounts of leftovers and sometimes they had to get up to cook some more during the meal.

For some reason that didn’t bother Delphine. 

Delphine, who had a mild panic attack when she dropped an egg and made a mess.Delphine, who had been worried that if she didn’t help enough that she would get kicked out because she hadn’t earned her keep.Delphine, who was terrified about what would happen if she messed up again, which to her was just a matter of time. 

But the uncertainty of cooking for an undetermined amountof people didn’t freak her out. 

Cosima narrowed her eyes as she watched her chop an onion.Not a single tear.

“Why are you staring at me?” Delphine asked, not looking up from her task.

Cosima shook her head at herself.“Because you are an enigma.”

“How so?” Delphine chuckled.(A laugh!A good sound!So rare these days.)

“You’re not crying.”She felt like an asshole for pointing it out as if it were a bad thing.

Delphine snorted.“The trick is not breathing.”

Huh, helpful.“That’s not what I meant.”

Delphine looked up with a raised eyebrow.

“I meant that like… you’re not freaking out?Isn’t this literally your nightmare situation?Like this is stressing _me_ out and _I’m_ worried that we’re going to mess up.”

Delphine scraped the now chopped onion into the already warm skillet and it started to sizzle.She put the cutting board down slowly, a thoughtful look on her face.“I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

“Shit,” Cosima dropped the potato peeler and stood up from the table.“I didn’t mean to freak you out,” she murmured as she pulled her into a tight hug.

Delphine returned her squeeze, always down for hugs.“I guess I just like cooking.I know I’m good at it and probably won’t mess it up.”She shrugged.

Cosima pulled away so she could smile and bump their noses together.“At least clone hell didn’t ruin that for you.”

Delphine reached behind her and tossed the onions, sending a poof of fragrant steam into the air.“What do you mean?”

“Your safety?Your sanity?Your career?Your dignity?Your morals?Access to your bank accounts?All your worldly possessions?Your line of contact with your mother?All very much affected by being close to a clone.”Cosima’s eyes widened at the sheer amount of things she could list off the top of her head.

Delphine rolled her eyes and slid her hands under Cosima’s shirt to stroke at the small of her back.“Oh, those.” 

“Shit,” she squished her eyes shut.“I keep thinking of more.”

Delphine sighed.“You know I usually do this in the privacy that three a.m. offers me.”It was half a joke, half letting Cosima know that she knew.It took the edge of pain off knowing that Delphine was starting to process this. 

It probably hurt a lot worse when it was _your_ life being ruined.

“I’m sorry,” Cosima murmured.She pressed her forehead into the junction of Delphine’s neck and shoulder.“I know it’s not my fault.At least not entirely.  But for what it’s worth, I am sorry that all of those things and your firsts are all tainted by the bullshit.”

“Firsts?Tainted?”Delphine leaned back to look into her face.“Now you have really lost me, mon amour.”

Cosima sighed.“The first time you ever said ‘I love you’ to a romantic partner you had your career threatened.”She started to tick things off on her fingers behind Delphine’s back.“The first time you had sex with a woman I screamed at you that you were bad in bed.Even before that, we were both spy-banging each other.Like, Delphine!You can never get those first-time experiences back!”Cosima sighed and tightened her arms around Delphine.“Those are supposed to be… precious memories, not fuel for anxiety attacks.”

Delphine brought one of her hands up and cupped Cosima’s cheek.“You know… I had my part in tainting those too.I didn’t have to spy sex,” Delphine smiled at Cosima’s giggle, “I could have waited for a better time to profess my love for you.I could have googled how to have sex with a woman.”She pressed a gentle kiss to Cosima’s nose.“I love you.And I know you love me.What’s more important to me is that I get to hear you say it every morning and every night and every time the mood strikes you during the day, not the first time you ever said it.And, yes, I would have liked something a little more romantic for my first time.Something worthy of those… paperback?” 

Cosima nodded to confirm that she had the right word.

“Paperback books my mother buys for two euros at the grocery,” she continued.“But I wouldn’t trade it.”She shook her head.“That is what got me here and this is exactly where I want to be.”

Cosima laughed to clear the lump in her throat.“Damn, Delphine.You should write some of those novels,” she muttered, her voice thick.

Delphine smiled and reached behind her to toss the onions again.

They stood together, pressing gentle kisses to each other’s exposed skin when the mood struck, but mostly just drinking in the closeness.It had been so long since they could just luxuriate in each other’s presence. 

Suddenly a thought struck Cosima and she started laughing. 

“What?” Delphine asked, already giggling because of Cosima’s infectious laugh.

“Just,” Cosima shook her head.“What kind of alternate fucking universe am I the one guilt tripping myself over something we’ve already forgiven each other for and you’re the one comforting me?”

“Language,” Mrs. S chose that moment to enter the kitchen and scolded Cosima.“And how are we supposed to make mashed potatoes if you don’t peel any of them?”

They laughed and shared a warm look before Delphine smushed their faces together for a kiss, sighing into it.Cosima reluctantly pulled away and resumed her duties at the kitchen table.


	2. Shaysima

Shay was a literal saint.She should be canonized.

All she ever did was help. 

Charlotte is getting stir crazy; Shay’s on it with a soccer ball and mittens.Delphine is starting to show symptoms of PTSD; Shay has relevant anecdotes and a psychologist friend.Cosima is overwhelmed with her own issues and trying to help Delphine and reconcile multiple relationships while learning how to be polyamorous; Shay’s got advice, a sympathetic ear, and never ending wells of patience.Everybody is tense because they’re under caffeinated after an all-nighter investigating those who would do them harm; Shay makes a Starbucks run.It seemed like no matter what someone needed she was there: ready, willing, and able to help.

A saint.

So today when Charlotte was being a kid, needing a lot of attention, and Cosima and Delphine didn’t have the emotional energy to keep her occupied, Shay was the one who suggested a blanket nest and a movie.She orchestrated the collection of every available blanket, pillow, and cushion that wasn’t sewn down while Delphine and Cosima tried to figure out how to hook up the TV. 

They built a sizable fortress that butted up against the couch, with only a few breaks for pillow and tickle fights and a slight detour to make popcorn.When they were done, Charlotte pulled Delphine by the hand into the nest and curled up into her side.Shay clambered onto the couch behind them.Cosima sat in the recliner, rocking gently as she skipped to the DVD menu.

“So is this one part of a series?” Delphine asked.

Charlotte giggled.“No!Why would it be?”

“I don’t know.Aren’t all animated movies parts of series now?”

“I think you need to go to movies more often, Delphine,” Shay laughed.

Cosima smiled. _My family_ she thought to herself, her chest getting all warm and liquid-y.

The movie started.Charlotte and Delphine, both being dinosaur kids, immediately started identifying and spouting facts about the dinos that popped up on screen.(“That’s not anatomically correct.”“Well, Charlotte, it’s an animated children’s movie.I don’t think that’s what they were worrying about.”)

Shay tossed her hair over her shoulder and shimmied back into the couch at a more comfortable angle, the movement catching Cosima’s eye.She was beautiful; her eyes sparkling in a restrained laugh at Delphine or Charlotte, stroking her hair back from her eyes, smiling at a joke from the movie.

She looked away from the TV and noticed Cosima staring at her.She winked and looked back to _The Good Dinosaur._

Cosima really tried to watch the movie.Charlotte was loving it, having the time of her life curled up on the floor with Delphine.But Shay was just too captivating for her to even pay it any mind.

A few minutes later Shay looked back at her.They made significant eye contact, Cosima slowly smiling at her, before Shay playfully rolled her eyes and shook her head.She put her bowl of popcorn down on the ground and beckoned her over by crooking her finger.

Cosima did not have to be told twice.

She jolted up from the chair and crawled along the couch until she was behind Shay and had her in her arms.She propped herself up on her elbow.She kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear gently and felt the shudder run through Shay’s body.

Cosima didn’t see any of the rest of the movie.She was too busy playing with Shay’s hair. 

After the movie was over, Mrs. S came into the room.“Charlotte, chicken, would you like to help with dinner tonight?”She asked every night, but it made it feel less like chores to Charlotte.

“Yes!” she cried and bounded to her feet.

“Okay, but you’ve gotta clean this room up first.”

Charlotte nodded.“Come on, you guys!” she urged as she tried to pull Delphine up by her hand.

All the adults got to their feet much slower, Delphine even rubbing at the small of her back like a grandma.Cosima just didn’t want to let go of Shay and Shay didn’t want to get let go.

They folded all the blankets up and portaged them around the house until everything was like it had been before they started.They all followed Charlotte into the kitchen.

Mrs. S saw her come in and didn’t waste any time.“Charlotte, I need you to start the water boiling for noodles and mixing the batter for dessert.”

“Delphine?” Charlotte asked.

“Yes?”

“Would you stay and teach me more cooking words in French?”

“Bien sûr, petite pote.”

Mrs. S nodded.“Okay then Delphine, you’re on sauce.The recipe is on the cupboard.”

“Too many cooks?” Cosima asked as she backed slowly out of the room.

“I guess,” Mrs. S grumbled, not liking how often and easily Cosima wriggled out of making dinner.

Cosima cackled and grabbed Shay’s hand to drag her to her room.Shay’s room.Nobody else went in there and she really didn’t want to be interrupted right now. 

She closed the door firmly and locked it. 

“You’re such a little shit sometimes, you know that?” Shay laughed.

“It’s a gift,” Cosima shrugged.All her teasing dropped out of her demeanor as Shay stepped into her personal bubble, seeming to have read her mind.

She cradled Shay’s face in her hands and pressed slow, loving kisses all over.Across her forehead, down her nose, over her cheeks.Shay groaned quietly when she finally pressed their lips together.

Cosima reverently kissed Shay.It was slow, sensual, but like she wasn’t worthy of touching her.She ran her hands slowly over her back, firmly with her palms up and lightly with her nails down.She trailed kisses to her chin and over her jaw and when she got there she bit Shay’s pulse point gently and started kissing down her neck.“I love you,” she murmured into her jungular.

Shay’s body tensed.

“Shit!”Cosima took a step back to give her some space.“What did I do wrong?How can I fix it?”

“Nothing!”Shay followed her and ran her hands up her arms.“I just… I know we talked about it.I know we discussed everything.I just didn’t think that…I just thought that I was…Like a sex friend.Or a more casual…thing.”

Cosima shook her head vehemently.“No, Shay.I’m sorry if…If I was unclear or if it’s too much.We don’t have to… uh.. do that if that’s not what you wanted.I’ll -I’ll just go, just forget,” she wiped her hands in front of her searching for the right word.“All of this.N-nevermind.”

“No, no, wait.”When Cosima spun and fumbled with the lock Shay chided, “Cosima!”

Cosima wiped at her brow where a sweat was beginning to form.Probably because of the embarrassed flush to her face that seemed to just keep getting warmer.She turned back around, eyes glued to the floor.

“I said I was mistaken,” Shay said, “Not upset.”She smiled and took a tentative step forward.“Pleasantly surprised would be more accurate.No, wait.Beyond thrilled, actually.”

Cosima looked up from her feet with her eyebrows creeping towards her hairline.“Really?”Hope blossomed in her chest.

“Yeah… I- I love you, too,” Shay paused to grin and laugh at herself.“God, that feels really good to finally say.”

Cosima grinned, her heart soaring.She swooped forward and wrapped her in her arms.“I love you,” she murmured.

Shay wrapped her arms around Cosima’s neck, cradling the back of her head.“I love you,” she whispered.She spun so that Cosima’s back was facing the bed.She lifted her slightly and toppled them to the mattress.

Cosima giggled and threaded her fingers through Shay’s hair.“So, um… Promise me something?”

“Anything,” Shay whispered and pressed a kiss to her nose.

“If you’re ever confused about anything like that again, you’ll ask me right away.I have no idea what I’m doing.”She detangled her hands and ran them over her back with a contemplative look.“I don’t want to hurt you.”The rush of protectiveness that swept over her was abrupt but not surprising.

Shay smiled, “Yeah.”She kissed Cosima, gently coaxing her mouth open with her tongue.She pulled for a moment.“Ditto for you, obviously.”

Cosima barked out a laugh. 


	3. Shayphine

Today was the day.

She’d talked about it last night with Cosima.She’d psyched herself up for it.It was time.

Delphine inched out of her room into the living room.She watched Shay as she prepared her smoothie.The light hit her hair and it made her look like she had a halo.She was so beautiful and captivating that Delphine could watch her put fruit in a blender for the rest of her life and never get bored.

“Did you need something, Delphine?” Shay teased.She looked up and shot a small smile her way.

Delphine immediately started shaking her head.At this point it was just a reflex, but not today.Today she did need something.She switched to nodding.“Actually, yes.”Too much.“Kind of.”Better.“Could we talk?”

“Of course.We can always talk.Just give me a sec,” she asked as she blended her smoothie.The whirring of the blades made a sound that occupied the entire apartment.When it was done she took the pitcher off the base and poured it into two glasses.

“Oh, you don’t have to share.I didn’t mean-”

Shay laughed lightly, “Don’t French people have the phrase sharing is caring?”

Delphine blushed and looked down, trying to hide her smile.

“Come sit with me,” she gestured towards the kitchen table with her head and brought the cups over.

Delphine pulled a chair out for Shay and then one for herself before sitting.They both swirled their smoothies around and tried to drink.The viscosity was not conducive to pouring and it clung to the bottom of the cups.

“Kinda thick this time,” Shay said, her mouth skewing to one side in disappointment.

“Would straws work?” Delphine suggested.

Shay gave an experimental jiggle to her glass.“Probably.”She stood from the table and moved back to the kitchen.“What did you want to talk about?”

Delphine thought about chickening out, of coming up with some excuse for a conversation topic.But then a series of images and memories budded in her mind’s eye. 

Shay playing with and admiring her hair the day she got it cut. 

Her sleepy smile over their first cup coffee of the day. 

Her imitation of her boss when he had made some awful executive decision, her back hunching over and her voice dropping a couple of octaves. 

The time that Delphine’s back had started aching at the science museum and Shay had sat with her, just watching Cosima and Charlotte get excited over everything, both of them endeared and sharing soft smiles over their love for their loves. 

The night on the porch swing.

Flashes of their life together, close but not touching, kept rolling past her.She wanted more, she wanted them continue and she wanted them to be… _more._

This wasn’t something she should keep inside.Telling Shay was the right thing to do.Not only for Delphine, but for Shay as well.What if she felt the same and was just waiting for Delphine to speak up?What if she was waiting for Delphine to lead?

She cleared her throat, screwed her face into a determined one, and took a deep breath.

“I love you.”

Immediately Shay grinned, ear to ear, and popped her hip out.She reached into the cupboard, going about her business as usual as if this wasn’t a big deal. 

And then.

“Well, obviously I love you, too.You’re, like, my best friend.”

Rejected tears burned the back of her eyes.

From none feelings to too many… If that wasn’t the story of her life… 

Of course she didn’t feel the same.Of course Delphine had read into those moments too much.Of course Shay would only have interpreted that as platonic.Of course Shay didn’t understand.Of course they weren’t at the same level.Of course Delphine felt too much.Of course Shay couldn't possibly see Delphine as a romantic partner.Of course - 

No. _No._

She was done being sad Delphine, the Delphine that gets upset by everything and has to run away to cry.The Delphine that lets herself be misinterpreted or overlooked because it’s easier.She had left that Delphine behind (for the most part).She wasn’t going to call her back, not again and _certainly_ not for this.Not when she was so close.

“Shay, that’s…” she hesitated.She shook her head at herself and plowed on, “That’s not what I meant.”

Shay turned to her quizzically.

“I meant,” she didn’t wait for the question, hearing her voice (her wonderful, beautiful, soothing voice) would have been too much, “That… I love you.The kind of love that… I want to wake up next to you and… hold your hand when we go out.And take you out to fancy restaurants and eat expensive meals in candlelight to try and impress you. I want to-to go on picnics and walks and kiss you and hold you and maybe do those at the same time and maybe see you naked, kind of love.” There was a stunned silence for a moment before she smushed her eyes shut and clamped a hand over her mouth, forcing the word vomit to stop. 

“Delphine-” Shay whispered, in awe.

At the speed of multiple misunderstandings Delphine whipped her hand from her face.“I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate your friendship, I love you as a friend as well.I would understand if you didn’t feel… the other way about me.But that’s not what I meant.”

Shay crossed the room in two long strides.She took Delphine’s face into her hands and tilted it so they could make eye contact.

“I love you, too.In the hand-holding, face-kissing, naked-seeing way.”

Delphine’s jaw dropped so far it nearly smacked her sternum.She blinked slowly and searched Shay’s face for any sign of a trick or deceit.When she found none she asked, “Vraiment?” in a hushed whisper.

“Yeah,” Shay nodded.She ran her thumbs over Delphine’s jaw bone.

Delphine stood slowly from her chair.She placed her hands on Shay’s waist as she stood and brought their faces very close together.She didn’t know why she was hesitating here.The hard part was over and yet she just hovered millimeters away from Shay’s lips.

“Do you wanna cross one of those things off your list?” 

Delphine nodded excitedly, almost too fast to be considered nodding and pushing into vibrating territory.

Shay breathed a laugh and tugged Delphine forward.The first press of their lips sent electricity through Delphine.Her light, casual hold on Shay’s hips quickly turned into her enveloping her in her arms. 

Shay slid her hands around to the back of Delphine’s head, pulling her impossibly closer.

Delphine slid her tongue along Shay’s bottom lip and she gasped.Delphine pulled away to ensure that it wasn’t a bad gasp.The hungry, breathless look she found was plenty answer to her question.She slowly turned and pressed Shay into the table.

Shay grinned.“Are we going to cross multiple things off your list?Like right now?”

“Did you want to go for a picnic?Right now?”

Shay reached behind Delphine’s head and let her bun loose.“Not really.”She ran her fingernails over Delphine’s scalp.

Delphine shuddered.She started kissing again; this time not slow, careful, and wandering but fast, hard, and imprecise.Their breaths were harsh and they kept trying to get closer, but Delphine was too tall.

“Here,” Shay murmured in between kisses.She hopped up onto the table and pulled Delphine close.They both groaned when their bellies pressed together.

Delphine giggled.

“What?” Shay asked.

“You’re still so short.”

Shay shook her head and pulled her back in. 

Delphine shuddered again when Shay’s legs locked around her hips.

Just as they were about lock lips again, keys jingled in the door.

Delphine, heart in her throat, tried to pull away.But it seemed Shay had the opposite instinct and locked her legs tighter together.Before they could work out a compromise Cosima was standing in the door way.

Her stunned look slowly turned into a giddy grin.“You told her?” she squeaked at Delphine.

A deep flush spread over her face and neck as she nodded.

Cosima flung her hands over her head and laughed. 

Shay turned to Delphine with a wry smile.“You talked about me?”

Delphine buried her face in Shay’s shoulder.From her hiding spot, she could see Cosima alternating which fist was punching the air and turning in a slow circle.

“Your girlfriend is so embarrassing,” Shay stage whispered.

They all laughed and Cosima dropped her arms.“I’m going to… go to a movie?And then Felix’s.And I won’t be back until next week.Okay?You guys take as much time-“

“Cosima,” Shay cut her off.“It’s a first kiss, not our honeymoon.”

Delphine flung her head back, mildly terrified at that thought.Her previous phobia of commitment was still not okay with thinking about marriage.“Bring back dinner,” she nodded to herself.

Shay pushed a curl out of Delphine’s face.“I thought you were going to make that pasta?”

“Do you really want me to cook right now?”

Cosima squealed and giggled.“Absolutely not.I will be back later.Please, don’t put pants back on on account of me.”

“Perv!” Shay teased.

Cosima snuck back out the door with an eyebrow wiggle.

They heard the lock click back into place and what sounded like Cosima skipping back down the hallway.

Shay cupped Delphine’s cheeks and brought their faces back together.“Where were we?”

Delphine pressed their foreheads together and pretended to think.After a pause she asked, “Weren’t you getting straws?”She started to pull away with, “I can go get-“

Shay reeled her back in and kissed her.“Absolutely not,” she murmured against her lips.


End file.
